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Author Archives: Michael Procopio
Donna Summer Hot Lunch.
When disco invaded my home in the spring of 1976, it came by virtue of Donna Summer’s voice. Perhaps “virtue” is a poor word choice given the fact that, thanks to the her extended dance version of the song “Love to Love You Baby”, I learned how to fake an orgasm at the tender age of six. Continue reading
Posted in Celebrities, Sandwiches
Tagged disco, Donna Summer, grilled cheese sandwich, hot lunch, orgasm
2 Comments
Iles Flottantes: A Titanic Dessert Disaster
My original line of thinking was that I would make my 1/2 Titanic garnish thick enough to stand up by itself on the plate, but my engineering skills fall into a distant second place to my own imagination and the poor little boats kept falling over and sinking into the murky blue. Continue reading
Paint Jobs and Poster Children.
It’s very gratifying to be noticed. Even more so to be in such good company. And lord knows I’m used to being watched these days, namely by housepainters who get an eyeful each morning as they scrape and hammer and brush away outside my living room window. Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Bill Daley, Food Writers, The Chicago Tribune, Very Nice News
14 Comments
I Won’t Eat Kale
Though famed for fighting cancers
Such as colon, breast, and ovary,
To arsenic I’d turn for answers
Just like Madame Bovary. Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged I hate kale, kale, large teeth, Madame Bovary, poem, St. Bernards
36 Comments
Super Tuesday Santorum Cake
This rich, chocolatey cake is entirely egg-free. Not due to wartime rationing, thank heavens, but because the author believes deeply in the concept of chickenhood. All eggs– both fertilized and non– have the right to grow into the poultry God intended them to be: clucking, happy, beheaded, fried, and eaten on the campaign trail.
The absence of dairy products means the texture of this dessert utterly oil-dependent.
And, of course, there are nuts.
Continue reading
Posted in Celebrities, Sweets and the Like
Tagged chocolate, macadamia, nuts, Republican Primary, Rick Santorum, Sanctum Santorum, santorumtorten, Super Tuesday, wacky cake
26 Comments
Lost in Translation: A Love Cake
It looked like a Dutch Baby abandoned on the doorstep of a French woman with no maternal instinct.
Continue reading
Posted in Celebrities, Holidays
Tagged catherine deneuve, donkey skin, French cinema, Jean Marais, love, love cake recipe, Peau d'Ane, Valentine's Day
19 Comments
Turner & Hooch
If I had to think about Turner and Hooch, it was going to be on my terms. And my terms generally involve cocktails. Continue reading
(Not) My Grandmother’s Panna Cotta
the only desserts my grandmother ever made herself were the uninspired, quivering kind: raspberry Jell-O, Royal brand chocolate pudding, and the most boring of all, panna cotta. Or panna cot’ as she liked to call it. Continue reading
Posted in Sweets and the Like
Tagged almonds, buttermilk, buttermilk almond panna cotta, dessert, panna cotta, Sicilian grandmothers
20 Comments