Author Archives: Michael Procopio

About Michael Procopio

I write about food and am very fond of Edward Gorey. And gin.

The Tijuana Donkey

If you are drinking Tijuana Donkeys alone, make certain to remove the whistle from your mouth before consuming to avoid unnecessary choking hazards. Continue reading

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¡Vamos, Gigantes!

It’s nearly impossible to whip me into a frenzy about any aerobic activity which involves two or more players messing about with balls, which is why you’ll never find me cheering wildly. And which is more than likely why I am single.
Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 13 Comments

The Great Leap Forward

I may not feel completely ready for my own literary baby, but I have recently discovered that I am pregnant with its possibility. And I am very glad to let people know that I will no longer tolerate being called a book(ish) virgin. Continue reading

Posted in Books I Love and Loathe., Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , | 53 Comments

Animal Queendom

I’m not certain if my sister simply has a thing for animals, or if they have a thing for her. Whatever the case, the feeling seems to be exceptionally mutual. Continue reading

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Jeeves and Worcestershire

Where would I keep him? In the closet? Not in this day and age. I don’t even have a butler’s pantry, but even if I did, it’s no place for a valet. Continue reading

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I’ll Drink to That

[She] often sounded as if someone had soaked a chain-smoking cat in scotch, then attempted to beat it to death with a megaphone. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities, Liquids, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Pride Week Drink: The Debbie Gibson

Named in honor of the Queen of 80s Bubblegum Pop, the consumption of which might cause you do to forget whatever you might need to. Including the career of Ms. Gibson herself. Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Liquids | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

The Chef’s Kitchen.

I gathered up enough courage to tap Ruth Reichl on the shoulder, say excuse me, and sidle past her because she was blocking my path to Ms. Silverton. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.

Foul play is not suspected. Though in excellent health for a woman of her age, her ratings had been in decline for some time. She was 88. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities, Savories, Stage, Film, and Television | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

The Cheese Toast Incident

As I wondered whether or not it would be a good idea to serve them more alcohol, Debbie Reynolds broke the unbearable silence. Continue reading

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