Author Archives: Michael Procopio

About Michael Procopio

I write about food and am very fond of Edward Gorey. And gin.


I was far too hungry and in no mood to feel conflicted about eating a BLT. It gets a bit tiring burdening ingredients with so much meaning all the time. Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Meatness, Sandwiches | Tagged , , , , , | 22 Comments


[M]y brain would never forgive me if I forgot such a marvelously specific German term for the weight gained from inconsolate eating. “Grief bacon.” My wedge was flecked with specks of grief. I didn’t know whether to laugh at that or to cry. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , | 68 Comments

Man Buns

I’m doing my best to channel my not-so-pleasant feelings about this year into something positive. And the best way for me to do that is to take something I can’t stomach (read: man bun) and turn it into something I can (read: edible man bun). Continue reading

Posted in Meatness, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , | 20 Comments

Sand in My Pants

In front of me was a sailboat full of friends I feared would get bored and abandon me on Naxos like some hairy-chested Ariadne; behind me, a large group of increasingly irate, Northern European nudists. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

A Bohemian Birthday

I’d barely recovered from the shock of waking up to a naked Clint Eastwood when all those Republican governors started singing me “Happy Birthday”. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , | 9 Comments

Meet Me at The SCOTUS Bar.

[W]hat was needed was a cocktail sufficiently strong-yet-understated that it might help persuade a group of sober judges to become decidedly less so. Continue reading

Posted in Liquids, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

“Curtains” or: “7 Little Von Trapps and Then There Were None.”

How do you solve a problem like Maria? In the United States, the answer would probably be “by lethal injection”. Continue reading

Posted in Stage, Film, and Television, Sweets and the Like | Tagged , , , , , | 30 Comments

Dazed and Infused

I happen to feel that people who like to drink their dinner should be allowed to enjoy themselves at the table just as much as those who prefer chewing do.
Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments

The Biggest Sausage on Melrose

The evening started out innocently enough– a quiet back to school dinner with friends. But my highly-prized purity was somehow called into question before the appetizers had even arrived. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 20 Comments

I Don’t Know Your Life

At the time, I took it for what it was– a punchline. I found the story funny and yet I resented it to some degree because it made me hungry for something I didn’t have– a bucket of crispy, salty, golden fried chicken– and more disappointed in the steaming pot of hen flesh in front of me that seemed to fall apart in my hand. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 27 Comments