Dead Giveaway: Enter to Win!

A little while back, I was ranting about the epidemic of food bloggers giving away free stuff in order to entice people to their websites.

Win a free immersion blender! Win a free sous vide machine! Win a free kidney!

All you have to do is leave a comment on my blog telling me why you love blenders/gummable meat/kidneys and you could win!

To me, it seemed like a dead giveaway that these bloggers had no real substance to them; that they had to resort to bribery to get people to visit their sites.

Comment whoring, I thought. Pure, unadulterated begging. Like a grandmother enticing her children’s children with promises of cookies and savings bonds if they’d just come visit a little more often. Bloggers who might ordinarily receive 10 to 20 comments can find themselves bloated with 600 of them, if the prize is a good one.

And who provides these gifts? Sometimes it’s the makers of said blender/sous vide/human organ products. These bloggers are just grabby, corporate pawns.

I rather enjoyed the view from my high horse.

And then I saw that The Pioneer Woman was giving away an iPad, so I entered her giveaway contest.

Yes, I am a hypocrite. I’d spell it out for you, but it’s already spelled out there, 13 words ago.

Why was it okay for me to enter her contest and look down upon those of others? Well, for one thing, she made her readers work for it by taking a pop quiz, which I loved. For another, she disclosed that the gift was purchased with her own money and offered as a token of thanks to her readers. Oh, and because it was an iPad.

Even though I lost the contest due in part to the fact that I am terrible at mathematics, I enjoyed taking the quiz and browsing a part of her site that I’ve never browsed before. Her giveaway was delivered with good will and good humor. And I like to think it softened me up, just a little.

I looked around at other blogs with giveaways. There were a few that did, in fact, annoy the hell out of me, but I noticed something else– there were people out there whom I respect immensely (and like personally) who were doing it as well.

I climbed off my high horse as quietly and as meekly as I could.

What was my beef with giveaways? Was I mad that no cookware company was sending me merchandise to pawn off to my readers? I think there was some of that in the mix. Was it my issue with shameless self-promotion? There was some of that, too, but my therapist and I have been working on that one for a little while now. I’m sure the reasons are myriad and complicated, but let’s just say that I was feeling more than a little ashamed of myself for being so judgemental.

And I’ve reconsidered.

If you’ve got a product, you might as well promote it. Often times, that product is you– your blog, your image, your brand. If your aim is to attract people to that product, you might as well dangle the shiniest, most valuable carrot in front of people to get them to where they can see it.

So today, I thought I’d finally join that chorus of giver-awayers and do my own, special kind of giveaway…

A Dead Giveaway

Because it’s almost Halloween. Which that means that Day of the Dead isn’t too far off, either. And I just like the sound of it.

The prize? Well, it’s more than likely from a dead person (I have no absolute proof of this. In fact, I can scarcely remember where it came from. Given its approximate age and purpose, I feel I can safely say that it was originally purchase by someone who is either currently dead or is not far of from that Big Sleep some people like to call “Eternal Peace.”

Okay, so do you still want to know what I’m giving away?

It’s a cake comb. Yes, I said “cake” and “comb.” Some people refer to it as a “cake breaker”, but I think that– all gory Halloween talk aside– “cake comb” sound much nicer, don’t you?

Enter to win!

I realize that there are many of you out there who will not put forth the effort to win this beautiful free item. For example, my friend Jennifer has stated that she will never purchase any previously-owned item from a thrift store or online auction site that could have in any way been used to dispose of a dead body. Just how a cake comb could be used in such an activity is uncertain to me, but I’m certain that, if anyone could come up with something, Jennifer could.

However, if you just feel you can’t live without this beautiful, arcane, and slightly menacing-looking, free kitchen tool, here’s how you can win it!

Just tell me why it is you don’t think your life is complete without one of these babies and what, precisely, it is you plan on doing with it. The most fascinating answer gets the prize.*


*Judged by me, of course, because I’m looking for a healthier forum in which to be judgemental.

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