Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Question of Size

It isn’t my job to judge you if you like your steak and your pepper mills well endowed. Judgement’s more like my hobby, really. Continue reading

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So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish.

I quit my job. The restaurant one. The one where, over a span of seventeen years, I have sold (and possibly eaten) several tons of sea life. Continue reading

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Greek Mythology

“Well, if you really want to know, I’ll tell you why we can’t drink at work. But only after you’ve finished your dinner because the story’s a bit…bloody.” Continue reading

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Les Marseillaises

I remembered reading something by MFK Fisher about her time living in Marseilles and how she was impressed by the efficiency of the local housewives who, rather than waste time constantly changing the salt cod’s soaking water, placed hunks of it in their toilet tanks so that every time someone spent a penny, their future dinner got a fresh change of water. I tried to find that passage again but couldn’t locate it. And then I thought to myself, “Well, she drank.” Continue reading

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Six Months to Live

The headline, if a tad misleading, is accurate. Continue reading

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The Next Worst Thing

I learned that I had put a bottle of bleach in the freezer when I discovered my raspberry gelato under the sink. Continue reading

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The Fruitlessness of Hope

Our neighborhood was so fruitful during the summer that bags of produce would simply be abandoned on our doorstep like fructifying orphans in desperate need of a home. Continue reading

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Lime in The Coconut

Harry Nilsson was a terrible mixologist. Continue reading

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Dazed and Infused

I happen to feel that people who like to drink their dinner should be allowed to enjoy themselves at the table just as much as those who prefer chewing do.
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The Biggest Sausage on Melrose

The evening started out innocently enough– a quiet back to school dinner with friends. But my highly-prized purity was somehow called into question before the appetizers had even arrived. Continue reading

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