Category Archives: Savories

E Pluribus Pesto

The poem is pungent with sweat and salt and garlic and groins. And the dressing is no less so. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

Kummerspeck

[M]y brain would never forgive me if I forgot such a marvelously specific German term for the weight gained from inconsolate eating. “Grief bacon.” My wedge was flecked with specks of grief. I didn’t know whether to laugh at that or to cry. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , | 74 Comments

Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.

Foul play is not suspected. Though in excellent health for a woman of her age, her ratings had been in decline for some time. She was 88. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities, Savories, Stage, Film, and Television | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

Horta Culture.

Calling horta “braised greens” is an act of descriptive kindness and far more appetizing than calling them what they essentially are, which is boiled weeds. Continue reading

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Southern Hospitality: Shrimp & Grits

I had wanted to attend The Greenbrier symposium ever since a young woman recently returned from there mentioned it was the place to which Congress would flee in the event of a nuclear holocaust. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , | 21 Comments

Hortotiropita & The Five Stages of Restaurant Grief.

Now you can understand my state of mind when, earlier this year, I suffered my own, devastating loss– the spanakotiropita, served at my restaurant since the day it first opened, vanished into phyllo-thin air. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Anchovy Lover

Serve the First-Day anchovies on their own, with just a drizzle of the marinade and a squeeze of fresh lemon.

Serve Second-Day anchovies on toasted bread with great lashings of butter.

Serve Third-Day anchovies to your cat.

Do not serve Seventh-Day anchovies on the Sabbath. Continue reading

Posted in Meatness, Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , | 35 Comments

Mrs. Webb’s Fried Chicken

I want to spread the news of this fried chicken like a televangelist spreads the Gospel.

Except I won’t be asking you for any money. Nor will I condemn you for not believing it is the One True Fried Chicken Recipe.

But it may very well be. Continue reading

Posted in Savories | Tagged , , , , | 19 Comments

(Pimento) Cheese Balls

I thought perhaps this dish was an acquired taste like scotch or tripe or spanking, and I was right. Nevertheless, I threw myself into the task of acclimating to its I-may-not-need-teeth-to-eat-this-but-I-will-need-a-strong-digestive-system-to-process-it texture and succeeded. Much like scotch or tripe or spanking, once you acquire that taste, there is no going back. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Die, Vampire, Die.

We all have our demons– ghosts that haunt us, ogres who hide under our beds, vampires that swarm around our heads. I know I’ve got them and, if you’re the least bit introspective, I know you’ve got them, too.

Or, if you happen to be one of those people completely untroubled by the monsters of self-doubt, I’d love to know how you’ve managed it, though I probably won’t believe you. Continue reading

Posted in Meatness, Savories, Stage, Film, and Television | Tagged , , , , , , | 33 Comments