Category Archives: Rants and Stories

…and other things that may or may not involve food.

Kummerspeck

[M]y brain would never forgive me if I forgot such a marvelously specific German term for the weight gained from inconsolate eating. “Grief bacon.” My wedge was flecked with specks of grief. I didn’t know whether to laugh at that or to cry. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , | 68 Comments

Man Buns

I’m doing my best to channel my not-so-pleasant feelings about this year into something positive. And the best way for me to do that is to take something I can’t stomach (read: man bun) and turn it into something I can (read: edible man bun). Continue reading

Posted in Meatness, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , | 20 Comments

Sand in My Pants

In front of me was a sailboat full of friends I feared would get bored and abandon me on Naxos like some hairy-chested Ariadne; behind me, a large group of increasingly irate, Northern European nudists. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

A Bohemian Birthday

I’d barely recovered from the shock of waking up to a naked Clint Eastwood when all those Republican governors started singing me “Happy Birthday”. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , | 9 Comments

Meet Me at The SCOTUS Bar.

[W]hat was needed was a cocktail sufficiently strong-yet-understated that it might help persuade a group of sober judges to become decidedly less so. Continue reading

Posted in Liquids, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

¡Vamos, Gigantes!

It’s nearly impossible to whip me into a frenzy about any aerobic activity which involves two or more players messing about with balls, which is why you’ll never find me cheering wildly. And which is more than likely why I am single.
Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments

The Great Leap Forward

I may not feel completely ready for my own literary baby, but I have recently discovered that I am pregnant with its possibility. And I am very glad to let people know that I will no longer tolerate being called a book(ish) virgin. Continue reading

Posted in Books I Love and Loathe., Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , | 53 Comments

I’ll Drink to That

[She] often sounded as if someone had soaked a chain-smoking cat in scotch, then attempted to beat it to death with a megaphone. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities, Liquids, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 20 Comments

I Killed Audrey Hepburn

It’s true that travel can broaden the mind but, in rare cases, it can also lead to an international celebrity killing spree. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities, Liquids, Rants and Stories, Stage, Film, and Television | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Dressing Up and Playing God.

Whenever I see salad dressing being made, whether vigorously shaken in a mason jar or cruet, I can’t help but feel– for a brief moment. at least– that the End of The World is coming. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Salad | Tagged , , , , , , | 18 Comments