Category Archives: Rants and Stories

…and other things that may or may not involve food.

Ku Klux Klams

Clams are, by instinct and necessity of location, bottom feeders. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , | 24 Comments

A Columbus Day Casserole

I thought long and hard about what might be appropriate to bring to a Columbus Day dinner attended mostly by people I’d never met before. After a short while, the answer was obvious: Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , , , | 10 Comments

BRATs.

I haven’t been thinking about food much for the past couple of weeks. In fact, I’ve been actively not thinking about it, which is difficult when one’s job is waxing rapturous about lamb entrails. While I was putting my shirt … Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , | 16 Comments

E Pluribus Pesto

The poem is pungent with sweat and salt and garlic and groins. And the dressing is no less so. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

The Kraft Singles Bar

It all started rather innocently, as terrible things often do. Continue reading

Posted in Liquids, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

Kummerspeck

[M]y brain would never forgive me if I forgot such a marvelously specific German term for the weight gained from inconsolate eating. “Grief bacon.” My wedge was flecked with specks of grief. I didn’t know whether to laugh at that or to cry. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Savories | Tagged , , , , | 76 Comments

Man Buns

I’m doing my best to channel my not-so-pleasant feelings about this year into something positive. And the best way for me to do that is to take something I can’t stomach (read: man bun) and turn it into something I can (read: edible man bun). Continue reading

Posted in Meatness, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , | 22 Comments

Sand in My Pants

In front of me was a sailboat full of friends I feared would get bored and abandon me on Naxos like some hairy-chested Ariadne; behind me, a large group of increasingly irate, Northern European nudists. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

A Bohemian Birthday

I’d barely recovered from the shock of waking up to a naked Clint Eastwood when all those Republican governors started singing me “Happy Birthday”. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , | 9 Comments

Meet Me at The SCOTUS Bar.

[W]hat was needed was a cocktail sufficiently strong-yet-understated that it might help persuade a group of sober judges to become decidedly less so. Continue reading

Posted in Liquids, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments