Category Archives: Rants and Stories

…and other things that may or may not involve food.

I’ll Drink to That

[She] often sounded as if someone had soaked a chain-smoking cat in scotch, then attempted to beat it to death with a megaphone. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities, Liquids, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 20 Comments

I Killed Audrey Hepburn

It’s true that travel can broaden the mind but, in rare cases, it can also lead to an international celebrity killing spree. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities, Liquids, Rants and Stories, Stage, Film, and Television | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Dressing Up and Playing God.

Whenever I see salad dressing being made, whether vigorously shaken in a mason jar or cruet, I can’t help but feel– for a brief moment. at least– that the End of The World is coming. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories, Salad | Tagged , , , , , , | 18 Comments

A La Recherche du Pain Perdu.

There was nothing especially sweet about it, but then I thought, there rarely is with pain, whether it’s of the French or English variety. Continue reading

Posted in Breakfast Time, Holidays, Rants and Stories, Stage, Film, and Television, Sweets and the Like | Tagged , , , , , | 26 Comments

Sunday Chicken Dinner Salad

I happen to like multiple flavors and textures in my mouth at the same time. And I mean that in the cleanest way possible.
Continue reading

Posted in Meatness, Rants and Stories, Salad | Tagged , , , | 23 Comments

The Amateur Gorme

I had hoped the subtext of my gesture expressed the message “I now know your secret and will carry it to my grave”, but such things are extremely difficult to convey in low light with a mediocre musical number performed by under-rehearsed former celebrities happening behind you… Continue reading

Posted in Celebrities, Meatness, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , , , | 14 Comments

Junk Food Porn

I knew if wanted to taste his Big Beefaroni, I was going to have to pay for it. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , | 34 Comments

The Potion of Oblivion

I can drink sangria and watch Il Maesto’s films without tiring of either until death overtakes me. Or oblivion. Whichever one comes first. Continue reading

Posted in Liquids, Rants and Stories, Stage, Film, and Television | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

2nd in Life, 1st in Cheese

I am getting to be excellent loser. I’ve had lots of practice. And I’m quite happy to report that I don’t find that such a bad thing. Continue reading

Posted in Rants and Stories | 14 Comments

The Corn Dogs of Easter

When everyone else was praying for the souls of the recently departed, I was praying for breakfast. Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Rants and Stories | Tagged , , , | 48 Comments