One Fierce Holiday Cookie.

Last weekend, I was invited to what some people might call a “cookie swap”. The guests were asked to bring three dozen home-baked cookies to share with the other guests in attendance. I didn’t go because I had other plans, but I was intrigued and baffled by the idea of it.

Cookie swap? I couldn’t help but think that it might be some sort of food blogger’s version of wife swapping, but instead of dropping one’s keys into a large fishbowl and leaving the party with someone else’s wife, one swaps recipes online, drops their creation on a side table, and winds up leaving with someone else’s cookies.

Tempting, perhaps, but I don’t need to get any fatter this winter– the Holidays are hectic enough. And I have neither the time nor the energy to bake off large quantities of cookies during the month of December. Hell, I barely have the time or energy to write blog posts.

I did, however, feel as though I were missing something by opting out of Holiday cookie parties and Twitter #cookieweek and all the other cookie-related hullabaloo that happens around this time of year, so I decided I’d do something about it.

I decided to bake one gingerbread cookie*. Just one. Or four, if you’re counting accessories. It’s all I had time for.

I’ve made gingerbread men, I’ve made gingerbread women. They’re delicious, but they don’t make much of a statement. I thought about making transgendered gingerbread persons, but they aren’t exactly exciting — in purely gingerbread terms, mind you– they look just like any other gingerbread men and women, except maybe with slightly larger hands and feet than ordinary. Or smaller, depending.

So I decided to make a gingerbread drag queen.

It makes perfect sense if you stop to think about it long enough. The Holidays are loud, fun, overly-decorated, and in-your-face. It’s a time of year that screams out for a cookie to match it. And gingerbread drag queens certainly fit the bill.

One of the best things about making gingerbread drag queens is that you only need to make one. You’ll spend so much time thinking about her (what she’ll wear, what her drag name should be, etc.) that you simply won’t have time to do anything else. Besides, there are so many accessories to bake along side of her. I limited myself to three: a wig, a cocktail, and a microphone**.

Ginger Full Drag

If you have the right amount of time on your hands, you could make different wigs to suit various occasions: A menorah tiara-ed french twist  for Hanukkah, a red sequined Santa hat over white-frosted bangs for Christmas, a beehive filled with apple pie filling and corn nuts for Kwanzaa. I haven’t even begun to think about what sort of wig one would wear for Boxing Day. A wig strewn with coins and leftover food? I’m not entirely sure, however, how one might go about creating that effect with royal icing, so let’s just pretend I didn’t mention it.

Perhaps the best thing about making a gingerbread drag queen is that you must name it. I’ve decided to name mine Ginger Breadman in honor of the very last day of Hanukkah. I would have posted her earlier in the holiday, but you know how drag queens are– they take forever to get ready, but once they do…

They are fierce.

And they don’t like to share the stage with anybody.

Which is what you should tell people when you show up to your next cookie swap with only one, gorgeous cookie.

*No recipe this week, because the recipe I used is not my own. It is Elise Bauer’s of Simply Recipes. I am rather fond of both her and her gingerbread recipe. I did, however, leave out the cracked black pepper, but only because I cared too much about the complexion of my drag queen.

** And special thanks to the eight year-old KVC who unwittingly donated the silver glitter sprinkles to give Ginger the right shade of eyeshadow and a glimmering microphone.

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56 Responses to One Fierce Holiday Cookie.

  1. sonya says:

    Simply fabulous, darling! Ginger is one fierce queen, I love her make-up. I like your notion of baking only ONE cookie – quality over quantity!

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks, Sonya. Of course, baking just one drag queen cookie is just as time-consuming as baking a whole batch, but I found the experience infinitely more satisfying.

  2. Nancy Love says:

    all of my favorite things in one cookie. bravo.

  3. Wendi says:

    Holy cow, if I had an ounce of decorating skills I would make one of my own. Your Ginger, she is one fierce queen. Do I detect a smize in her eyes?

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks, Wendi.

      I’ll bet you have more decorating skills than you give yourself credit for.

      What’s a “smize”? Is it anything like pink eye?

  4. Megg says:

    This is brilliant. Thanks for making my day!

  5. Lisa Jonte says:

    Brilliant! And the Sandra Lee slam? Brilliant twice. (That woman terrifies me.)

  6. amy says:

    K is delighted. Though disappointed she did not get to eat the cookie! We’ll be decorating some this weekend.

    • Michael Procopio says:

      I am delighted that K is delighted. I have the glitter sugar in a safe place and it is ready to return. I wanted to use the pink, but it just didn’t go with the outfit, you know.

  7. artoeat says:

    Great idea~
    You could have a Ginger Bread Drag Queen contest w/everyone bringing only 1 festooned creation to walk the runway. The prize of course would be a bottle of bubbly!
    Happy Holiday’s dear Thoughtless!
    Slip into those mules and listen to Pink Martini

    • Michael Procopio says:

      I rather like that idea. A lot. Some friends have already suggested I build a gingerbread stage. Coz a drag queen needs a stage– gingerbread or no.

  8. Cindy says:

    I thought it was Joan Holloway.

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Okay, so I had to look up who Joan Holloway is. I don’t watch television so I am way behind the times. Of course, since Man Men is set in the early 1960′s, it’s even more behind the times than I am.

      So there’s some comfort in that.

      And that Joan Holloway is sexy. So thank you.

  9. Susan says:

    Love your cookie! The detail is fantastic. An olive in the martini glass is so you.

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks, Susan.

      I find I’m more of a Gibson boy these days, but martini olives are more easily identifiable when rendered in royal icing than cocktail onions?

  10. jollof says:

    I’ve got to tell you…the cookie is beautiful. I’ve never seen the drag version before – very creative! A fantastic and unique post. Thanks for the read :D

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks very much, jollof.

      Frankly, I’ve never seen a gingerbread drag queen before, either. I even went googling for images of them, but could not find any, which surprised me. It’s the same surprise that hit me when I discovered that no one had ever done a Jackie O. Lantern.

      So now my little world has both.

      Thanks for the lovely comment.

  11. Nona says:

    Love, love, love this idea so much. May shamelessly steal this from you (giving credit, of course.)

  12. Babygirl says:

    A cookie swap sounds like fun… Very nice post..

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks, babygirl. I’m still uncertain as to whether I could handle the pressure– or caloric intake– of a cookie swap. Babysteps, I say, babygirl.

  13. Stephanie says:

    I gotta say, you are hilarious. You always make me chuckle reading your posts. :-p

    And the drag queen mega cookie? Ingenious.

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks, Stephanie.

      I figure, drag queens are larger-than-life, so the drag queen version should tower over all other cookies.

      I don’t want to brag or anything, but mine’s nearly 12″ long.

  14. That’s quite a gal you put together Dr. Frankenstein. I had nightmares!
    Thanks for the movie recommendation. I’ve never seen Ice Storm but will look for it!

    • Michael Procopio says:

      I should think that The Ice Storm would give you more nightmares than this cookie ever could. Existentially-speaking, anyhow.

  15. Jay Floyd says:

    Oh my god. I can’t breathe.

  16. T.J. says:

    You sir, are absolutely brilliant, and I feel privileged to have stumbled upon your blog. Bravo.

    • Michael Procopio says:

      T.J.– Apologies for the late response, but I have been avoiding my blog as if it were infected with botulism for the past several days. Thanks for the lovely comment!

  17. Funny, yummy and … (you can choose the third one, because my English is terrible, but the meaning should be… “sunny”!) One cookie sometimes is more than enough, when it’s made like this (feel the positive tone!) Thanks for sharing and have a great Christmas time!

    • Michael Procopio says:

      I think you’re doing just fine with your English. Certainly much better than I could do with my Italian.

      Thank you so much for risking the hazards of my language to send such a lovely compliment!

      Felice Anno Nuovo!

  18. A-mazing. Does she do holiday parties? Is she available for New Years?
    I wonder which takes longer to make, a ginger drag queen or the real deal? Hmmmm…

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thank you. She was very busy this Holiday Season what with sitting in my kitchen staring up at me every time I entered. And, yeas, she is available for New Year’s, since I have yet to eat her.

      I don’t know if I can answer your last question accurately, since I left my drag days behind when I was ten years old. However, I can ask around, if you like.

  19. Hahaha, This is probably the greatest gingerbread cookie i’ve ever seen.

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks very much, cupcake.

      I had an idea to do something even better than Ginger Breadman, but my technical skills do not yet match my imagination. Perhaps I will tackle the idea in 2011.

      Happy New Year!

  20. i wonderng whether you should eat it, or put them up for display….
    both!!! (;

    http://forlazywriters.wordpress.com/

    • Michael Procopio says:

      I haven’t the heart to eat her. I’ve only ingested her accessories. I’ve heard that gingerbread lasts forever. I am willing to test that theory, if only she will let me.

  21. rsmacaalay says:

    I love that cookie and yes that is Fierce!

    Merry Christmas

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thank you, rsmacaalay.

      She is a very special cookie to me. I am thinking of shellacking her to preserve her fierceness.

  22. yumtherapy says:

    Haha, amazing cookie. If I were you, I would not want to swap her at a cookie swap! What cookie could be better?? Happy holidays =)

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks very much, Yum.

      I wouldn’t want to swap her, either. Perhaps that’s why I haven’t even had the heart to eat her yet.

  23. Jean says:

    Love the design of this cookie. She is one great, fierce cookie! ;)

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Thanks, Jean.

      What made me really happy about this cookie is that I did, in fact, only bake one of her. What made me even happier is that I didn’t screw up frosting her. She’s still sitting on a little cutting board in my kitchen. I don’t have the heart to eat her. I only ate her microphone and martini glass.

  24. This was the perfect post to end my day. Reading your post reminded me of why I love blogging and reading other people’s blog. The fun part is that tomorrow I get to see you and talk to you live! You’re so fun.

    • Michael Procopio says:

      Damaris!

      I read this comment while we were there, but camp was so distracting and the wifi so slow, I decided to wait until I got home to answer comments. It was really lovely meeting you. If ever you make it up to San Francisco, you need to let me know!

      xM

  25. Tracy says:

    a meandering perusal through your blog has me thinking that you might just be insane, such a lovely quality in a biped. among my favorite, in fact. well done.

  26. Pingback: Egg on microgreens – the perfect Gluten Free Breakfast

  27. Matruska Octavitenska says:

    I made these this X-Mas thnx 4 the inspiration..made my own version

  28. Ba Rei says:

    Did you shellac your glorious drag queen? I was invited to a party where Three dozen cookies were requested. I was working that day, but please – rolling eyes – . Many thanks for the inspiration for truly fierce holiday baking.

    • Three dozen cookies? Did the host request other guests to bring ice, booze, and silverware?

      So delighted to know you found inspiration in this post. Sadly, Ginger Breadman found herself on the floor broken into bits in a bizarre, bourbon-related accident. Only her wig remained intact. It was the one thing about her that was shellacked.

  29. Ba Rei says:

    Ginger Breadman’s wig – they usually do last longer than we do. The host also required a gift for a gift exchange – with a rule that anything won coul be snatched during someone’s turn. I heard there was a huge desire for a cozy faux leopard Betsey Johnson long scarf. – it got testy among a group of party revellers.

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